The Tough Stuff

Weigh in # 2 was last night. 3.6 lbs lost...well, the scale is going in the right direction...yay! But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dissappointed. I know that the first week is always higher, but I was hoping I'd have a higher 2nd week because I was walking. It's okay though....I'll keep it up. I definitely feel a lot better from walking! I have a lot more energy and I'm happier!
My initial goal was 14 lbs a month, which would take me to right about 200 by the end of the year....that's crazy to look at it like that! Last time I was 200 lbs was in 8th grade!
I know that might not be realistic though, so my main goal is to just keep on track. Yesterday, I read on another blog that no effort is wasted. I don't know who said it, but I like this! I'll try to remember this as I have a hard time doing the little things.
Little changes will add up and make huge changes!

When driving to the meeting last night, I was thinking about weight....okay, right now, that's pretty much all I think about. I hope as time goes on, that I stop obsessing, but right now, I need to keep this a priority, so obsess I must!
I was thinking about things that have led to my weight issues.
There's no doubt that I'm an emotional eater. I also struggle with food addition. But what does this stem from? My aunt JoAnn used to tell me it was because of stuff that happened to me when I was little....maybe, but I'm not willing to blame it on a 'tough childhood' anymore! Everyone has their trials in life...I don't think they're necesarily harder or easier than others...just different.
Being abused as a child didn't make me fat. Being adopted didn't make me fat. Having my mom die when I was 9 didn't make me fat. Dealing with my dad having Alzheimers didn't make me fat. Eating more than I needed to made me fat! Those things might have caused difficult emotions that I didn't know how to deal with....so I ate.
So, that's what I'm focussing on right now....how to deal with life, without eating.
This is gonna be a long journey....a lifetime journey. I realize that my weight is not necessarily the issue...but a side effect of the issue.

The other thing I thought about yesterday, was sharing my feelings about my weight/food issues.
One of the reasons I've eaten my feelings is because I don't share them with others. I'm embarrassed and don't want to appear weak, so I hide them, by eating. But, I'm sure not hiding that. So, it's time to let them out. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I'm pretty good about telling Ko what I'm feeling, and he's a great listener...but he's a guy....and doesn't always get the emotional stuff as well as a female.
So, time to share this blog with some awesome, supportive ladies.
I'm gonna start with Christy and Carrie for now...maybe more later on. But for now, these are the two people in my life that I know I can trust with all the craziness I have to share.
Christy has fought this fight and is on the winning end now....I've been blessed to witness her growth as she's overcome so many things over the past few years. Plus, we've gone through much of this struggle together...We've talked about losing weight since we first met, about 15 years ago. She finally did it....now it's my turn!
I know she'll be a huge source of motivation as I go through this.
Carrie is a new friend. But, was a big motivation for me to get started! In a short time, we've shared quite a bit about how we got here and how we're getting to where we're going. Since we spend a big chunck of our day together, we have many opportunities to help each other daily as we have ups and downs along the way. She's already been a big support!

Thanks girls for all you do!